So I've been dealing with PN for 10 years. While I was recovering everything fell by the wayside: employment, dental care, family. I'm trying to swim to the shore from being in deep water and huge waves of pain and life troubles keep knocking me back out to sea.
Anyone feel like giving up? Like God doesn't hear? That's what I feel. Beating on heaven's door and my Maker just sits and watches me struggle. Don't know what He's doing. Terrible bites of pain just keep on and on. Lord have MERCY...
Feel like I'm ready to crack
Re: Feel like I'm ready to crack
Hi saint,
I'm so sorry that you and anyone, for that matter, have to go through an ordeal like this.
It's only been about a year and a half for me, but after reading some posts and comparing them to my symptoms, I'm pretty sure it's a long haul ahead of me.
I can relate to what you write about wanting to give up and feeling unheard by God. I never fully realized how many people survive / fight chronic pain every day until it happened to me. I don't know why pain exists, but I wish I didn't.
I also know what you mean about losing certain areas of life. I know this doesn't always help, but occasionally I'll write or doodle to help me with grieving what I've lost and to look for what I still have. Sometimes doodling is easier when I don't have energy to write it all. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive, just thought I'd throw it out there.
I wish I could offer you more encouragement or help in some tangible way, but I'm not sure what to write. Just wanted to let you know that I saw your post and that those of us on the forum understand and hear you.
Virtual (light) side hugs go out to you,
Melody
I'm so sorry that you and anyone, for that matter, have to go through an ordeal like this.
It's only been about a year and a half for me, but after reading some posts and comparing them to my symptoms, I'm pretty sure it's a long haul ahead of me.
I can relate to what you write about wanting to give up and feeling unheard by God. I never fully realized how many people survive / fight chronic pain every day until it happened to me. I don't know why pain exists, but I wish I didn't.
I also know what you mean about losing certain areas of life. I know this doesn't always help, but occasionally I'll write or doodle to help me with grieving what I've lost and to look for what I still have. Sometimes doodling is easier when I don't have energy to write it all. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive, just thought I'd throw it out there.
I wish I could offer you more encouragement or help in some tangible way, but I'm not sure what to write. Just wanted to let you know that I saw your post and that those of us on the forum understand and hear you.
Virtual (light) side hugs go out to you,
Melody
Re: Feel like I'm ready to crack
Melody, thanks for your thoughtfulness. Yes it is a long haul. I never thought ahead back when all this began, about where I would be in several years. But it has been long and unbearable at times. I seem to have hit a point of treading water and something of an acceptance and more of a calmness. I also went to a new pain specialist when our insurance changed and they are treating my pain much better. This is a very painful disorder and I learned that it's important to find a good specialist who is willing to try different combinations until you get relief.
I don't understand pain either and I have questioned God a lot through this ordeal. But I'm trying to figure out what He's doing and what He wants of me.
God bless you on your journey as well. I hope that you find solutions. This is a very difficult disorder.
I don't understand pain either and I have questioned God a lot through this ordeal. But I'm trying to figure out what He's doing and what He wants of me.
God bless you on your journey as well. I hope that you find solutions. This is a very difficult disorder.
Re: Feel like I'm ready to crack
saint,
Of course, compassion and a listening ear are greatly needed with these types of conditions and not always readily available in the outside world.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to find a more helpful pain specialist with the insurance switch. That's very true, if there's one lesson I've gleaned from others' experiences on the forum it's that conservative treatments, healthcare providers with open minds and receptive ears, and providers who are willing to do the work and investigate treatment options with patients are so needed.
Yes, I'm questioning God alot too during this time. Thank you for your kind wishes, I appreciate it. I hope I can find adequate solutions too. Yes, it is extremely difficult, I agree.
Of course, compassion and a listening ear are greatly needed with these types of conditions and not always readily available in the outside world.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to find a more helpful pain specialist with the insurance switch. That's very true, if there's one lesson I've gleaned from others' experiences on the forum it's that conservative treatments, healthcare providers with open minds and receptive ears, and providers who are willing to do the work and investigate treatment options with patients are so needed.
Yes, I'm questioning God alot too during this time. Thank you for your kind wishes, I appreciate it. I hope I can find adequate solutions too. Yes, it is extremely difficult, I agree.