Intercourse after vaginal surgery?

[kat]

I read this tip and what to share it. It is for intercourse after vaginal surgery.

An hour before, use Valium suppository rectally (so as not to increase infection risk).
Drink a glass of wine or beer as you wait for Valium to work (whichever you prefer).
A while after, use another Valium suppository and ice to help with pain.

Mods - are we allowed to talk about intercourse after vaginal surgery?
I don't see anything about this topic and I don't want to be locked out of the site so please let me know if this is not allowed and I won't bring it up again.

I'm using estrogen for inflammation and in 4 weeks I will be able to start work on the pelvic floor. My boyfriend always bumped into it because it doesn't move. That caused pain and internal bruising.

For those of you that had vaginal surgery, what tips do you have for us that just had surgery and are still in the healing process? What worked for you? What didn't work? Are some positions less painful than others?

Thanks for any advice. I know it will be a long road back to (normal) and I want to learn from those that have already lived through it.

Kathy

[Violet M]

Sure Kathy, you can discuss intercourse here as it relates to PNE. Nothing pornographic or perverted of course but you're not doing that.

Just be careful about mixing alcoholic beverages with valium or any other central nervous system depressant because the effects of both are magnified when taken together and you don't want to end up putting yourself to sleep permanently.

I guess the best tip I can give for women is that there are lots of things you can do to satisfy your partner without actual penetration if intercourse is still uncomfortable. The valium idea is a good one if your pain is primarily during intercourse but for many people with PNE it's the pain several hours later or the next day that is the worst. Also, I think it helps if you use ice immediately afterward -- and maybe some topical lidocaine or benzocaine.

[kat]

Thank you.

I know nothing about alcohol and meds mixing. I'm not a drinker and appreciate all warnings. I haven't tried mixing them and am looking for safe ways to have intercourse.

I have pain during and it builds for 2 days after. That was before surgery and now I'm starting from scratch.

My only interest is how to get through the nervousness and pain of intercourse so I can have a healthy sex life again.
I'm only interested in medical advice for how to go about intercourse in a safe and comfortable way for myself.

I'm not interested in talking about how to please my man or pornographic details and I'm sure all on this site understand the difference.

Kathy

[HerMajesty]

I think it is a topic we have to be very circumspect about because as you and I both know Kat, your having been born with symptoms and me having symptoms from age 14, we want these board to remain an appropriate place for young people.
I haven't had vaginal surgeries, but have read about vaginal dilator sets (in progressive sizes), and know they are sold online - has anyone recommended those to you?
Alcohol and meds: Big no-no, I gave up drinking entirely the second I started on meds. Not only due to the central nervous system thing, but because many meds are processed theough the liver as is alcohol - we don't want to ruin any more body parts!
Also have you considered Sex Therapy with a Sex Therapist that specializes in medical disability issues? This could be of great benefit to you.

[calluna]

Kat, I've had far more than my share of vaginal surgery - including, finally, a complete pelvic reconstruction using mesh, which is what caused the damage to the pudendal nerve that brought me to this forum. So I've been through this rather too many times, in the past. I think my total number of surgeries is now eight, in that department. Too many...

You ask about tips for those who have just had vaginal surgery and are still in the healing process - well, until you have been specifically told by your consultant that intercourse is now ok - well, it isn't ok, so don't do it. Really, don't. Wait until everything is completely healed. You can do real damage if you have intercourse too soon. And after all, there are other things you can do, where penetration is not involved.

[kat]

Thank you so much for talking to me.
I forget that there are young people on this site also so I will be very careful to be respectful and keep it to medical terms.

I have not been given the "ok" from the docs yet so I'm gathering information to help with this process.
Pianogal has very good tips for dilators she has shared and I'm sure she would be willing to share with others if you are interested.
I'm wondering if there is a brand that people like more than other ones. I have a prescription for dilators and want to be sure I buy the best set.

Hermajesty = Yes, I've read a little about sex therapy and sex with a disability and am not sure if that is what I'm looking for. I guess I thought that was for people with abusive sexual pasts. I've been thinking of buying a book for sex with a disability and just don't know where to start. Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you both. This is exactly the advice I was looking for. I appreciate you ladies so much. You are making my journey way less lonely and scary.

Loves

[Violet M]

With the TIR approach it's typically 6 weeks before you are allowed to have intercourse but you need to have clearance from your gyn that the incision is healed. Kat, you had the TIR, right?

[kat]

I had TIR which led to 2 months of infection that really messed things up. Also, I had the back wall of my vagina removed and my vaginal wall was pulled out to cover the area and sewn back down.
I was given the 'ok' yesterday to cover my pinky finger with estrogen cream and insert that once a day for a week. I'm still very inflamed and red from having the infection for so long.
In 6 days I go back for my first internal exam. If that goes well I will be given the 'ok' to start internal PT after 3 more weeks.

My pelvic floor does not move and that is one of the main problems with intercourse. He bangs into it and the internal PT can take 3 months to a year to solve the problem.
Since I've been this way from birth, it will probably take a while to get it to work properly.

I'm not healthy enough for a dilator or intercourse and I want to go about it the healthiest, safest way possible. That's why I'm asking questions.
Do sex therapists deal with disabilities? I've know nothing about them. Would you be able to recommend where I could start looking for one?
Do you think I will need one or do you think this will all work itself out?
I'm relying on the women who have been there. I'm in over my head and have no idea where to go from here.

Thanks for listening and the advice.

Kathy

[Violet M]

Kathy, since you had some additional things going on besides just the TIR incision, then like you say it will take a bit longer.

If you want to go the professional assistance route, typically certified sex therapists are trained to help women with ways to have sex more comfortably. A good one should be able to help you learn to ease back into having sex and how to use the dilator starting out with the smallest one. Your gyn or PT might be able to recommend a good therapist. Or you might be able to interview a potential therapist by phone to find out what experience they have and what their basic philosophy is. I think you could work this out on your own just by using some good common sense but everyone is different and you might be the kind of person who would benefit from some therapy.

Other meds you could use vaginally after intercourse are lidocaine gel that is formulated to be used internally or B&O vaginal suppositories.

After my surgery, I was in too much pain to even think about internal PT for at least 9 months. I know some of the docs recommend it sooner but I didn't try it until almost a year post-op. My thoughts are to take it slow and take your time getting back into a normal life. Don't let anyone rush you.

[kat]

I'm thinking a sex therapist is overkill.

I'm liking the tips you are sharing and it is giving me ideas of how to be more comfortable.

I have lidocaine that I use on the labia. Are you saying there is a different lidocaine I can use internally?

B&O vaginal suppository - What is that exactly? I'm very nervous to put meds in my vagina because I hear of so many ladies getting yeast infections from doing things like that.
Can a B&O suppository be used rectally like Valium suppositories?

Sorry for bombarding you with questions. You are just way more informed than I am on these things.

Kathy