Health Organization for Pudendal Education

You don't look like you are in pain, was a statement said to me... What does one say to someone like that... I am on 75 mg. of Fetenyl, and it just barely touches my pain... I have been really tough when it has come to pain in the past... this thing is so horrible,,,, I speechless right now... Ellie

Hi River
I know how I look in pain. The pain that is constant hardly causes an expression as it is how I always feel. The shooters cause a momentary exclamation. The long time severe no-one sees me. I also know how I feel in pain which is probably a more important question. People dont ask that though very often. It is not about looks as looks are well known for being deceiving in all walks of life. Take care

River

i have had both sides of the coin...wow you look great....and oh dear you dont look great.
Medications can make us look dazed in our eyes, frown lines can appear when we are struggling, but as Florabunda said, those stabbing pains that make us gasp in pain have no way of being hidden! I find it embarassing in the middle of a supermarket to suddenly gasp....but Ive no control over it at all!
I had a doctor once who said to me well you look great......yet if we dont care about our hair and appearance we are classed as depressed.
The morale here is never judge a book by its cover!!!

Amanda wrote:but as Florabunda said, those stabbing pains that make us gasp in pain have no way of being hidden! I find it embarassing in the middle of a supermarket to suddenly gasp....but Ive no control over it at all!

OMG - I know it! I try very hard to hide the pain, too, but I've also got no control over that EMBARASSING gasping! I'm so sorry this happens to you but am glad to know I'm not the only one!
And River, I often don't know what to say to people who tell me I don't look like I'm in pain, either. Just what are we supposed to look like? More often than not, I'll smile, mumble a thank you and remove myself. I also love the comments from people I haven't seen in a while, who inquire as to how I'm doing.
When they learn I'm pretty much same 'ol, same 'ol, they respond, "Still?!??!??"
Warm regards,
Karyn

I think we've all encountered that particularly 'helpful' remark, or something like it - and it can hurt, because it can seem like the person doesn't believe us.

I have found that when someone makes a hurtful remark it is a good idea to remind myself that the person usually doesn't mean to be hurtful, they probably just don't know what to say, because this is outside the realm of their experience. And they simply haven't considered that their words can hurt our feelings.

The best response I have found, when someone says ' But you don't look ill' or 'But you don't look like you are in pain' or 'But you look so well' or whatever! - is just to say, thankyou, and take it as a compliment.