Health Organization for Pudendal Education

Sending you support, Andy Pablo. I know how you feel.

Thank you. And vice versa...

Does anybody remember what life was like before this nightmare? I remember having a good healthy social life & making jokes all the time... I remember being popular with the opposite sex... I remember loving my career & being good at it... My flat feels like a prison... I feel like a prisoner... My social skills have gone... I struggle to think of anything to talk about for a common interest... Do you ever feel like 'fate' or the 'powers that be' are tripping you up every step of the way just for shits & giggles? Almost everything I enjoyed doing has been taken away or altered in a negative way... Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest... Feeling a little sorry for myself & feeling like shit for not being strong enough to cope properly... Its hard doing this on my own...

Hi Andy,

Wow, I remember those days when I used to feel like I was in a prison of pain. I used to use that exact word -- "prison". It totally sucks the joy out of life. Really, it's OK to feel sorry for yourself and definitely OK to vent if you want. Just wish there was something I could do to help you get your life back. You sound like a really fun guy -- and I mean that in the present tense, not just the past.

Violet

I just miss all the simple things I used to tale for granted. As everyone who suffers from this knows, it not just the pain to deal with... Theres the loss of so many simple things that make life worthwhile... It is what it is, I suppose...

I know what you mean, Andy. One day when I went outside after I started to feel better I was amazed at how beautiful the trees and shrubs and outdoor scenery were. It was like I hadn't been able to enjoy them for so long I felt like a child getting excited over something so simple that you usually take for granted. Just being able to walk around the yard for 5 minutes was incredible. I truly hope you will be able to get some of things you enjoy back.

Violet

Thank you Violet. It is rare to find noble people in this crazy world of our. I really apppreciate your words. As do many others who visit this site. Andy.

Well, I remember the incredible isolation I felt when I was sort of homebound. I just hope this forum can be a place where people can come and know they aren't completely alone.

Violet

andy_pablo,

I see that you reacted to c90danwaiel's remarkable display of self-awareness, acceptance, and ultimately cure.

http://www.pudendalhope.info/forum/view ... 218#p56218

You two have similar stories. Doesn't it make you ponder about your own situation?

What you reported on your very first post fits a mindbody syndrome/somatoform pain disorder to a tee.
http://www.pudendalhope.info/forum/view ... 219#p46219

You posted initially that you had a major emotional trauma when your girlfriend left you after 13 years (emotional trauma, stress). You then did drugs (emotional repression, OCD). But then you went biking and over did it (triggering incident).

That chain of events is just so common in mindbody syndromes. I have been able to help 6 guys (out of 8 people that contacted me on the forum). In every case, the story was the same: emotional trauma + triggering physical incident + predisposition.

You also pointed to the fact that your public persona is always positive and fun "happy go lucky" (repression of negative emotions). You then described 6 days in the middle of this nightmare when you were mysteriously pain free. You described those days as "blissful". Why would you be pain free with a severely damaged pudendal nerve?

To recap, you reported:
1) Emotional trauma
2) Lifelong repression of negative emotions
3) A triggering physical incident
4) Pain vanishing mysteriously

All the above has been well documented in somatoform studies. I am not diagnosing you. I am simply pointing to facts that you self-reported on this forum. I sincerely wish that you could open your mind to the possibility of an alternate solution and not get fixated on that "damaged" pudendal nerve.

Do you really believe that the massive emotional trauma prior to the onset of pain in your case, my very own case, and the 6 other people I managed to help, simply a coincidence?

My situation was also created with heavy lifting.

While I appreciate you trying to help, & I think that while there is probably some truth in what you say, I think that some of my symptoms are not merely to do with stress, triggers, etc... The fact that I have temperature regulations issues (autonomic dysfunction) that only started after all of the above events is a symptom of nerve compression. My surgeon told me after surgery that they found a trapped nerve & freed it, & right after, my ed, temperature regulation issues, started to improve. Pain has improved slightly, albeit not enough to get my life back. So, Im going on the physical evidence in front of me. As for "six days bliss", I cannot explain that. Neither can I explain why more people who aggressively cycle & lift weights do not have this injury. But then, I am a humble designer, so I cannot begin to explain the intricacies of the human body, or mind, so I am taking a leap of faith that doctors trained in these matters know far more than I do. I am in their hands & have to trust that they are correct in their findings. My understanding from my medical experts, is that my situation was created by a "perfect storm" mixture of physical & mental issues. But the overriding factor was ligament stretching due to cycling & heavy lifting & this compressed my nerve for two years before it was found, & freed. How my nerve recovers now, is anyones guess...

I do find it a little strange that you find my character description as a "lifelong repression of negative emotions"... Its just my natural personality to enjoy life & not worry about things I cannot change... Like everyone, there is always times when that is challenged, but Im just not usually that way... Again, I would love to be able to give the exact reasons why, & if you are qualified enough to explain all the chemical inner workings of the brain, then I will bow to your superior knowledge, but I will do so only in the understanding that we as humans still know as much about the inner workings of the mind, as we do about the cosmos...

Having said that, I do think it is incredible that you have helped several individuals out of this nightmare. If you only helped one, then it would be worthwhile. I tip my hat to you & hope you continue the excellent work you do here. I genuinely smiled that Dan had found something that worked for him.