Health Organization for Pudendal Education

abmia22 wrote:Haha no, but anytime I see a sex scene on tv or a beautiful woman the pain increases. It's like its reminding me I can't have that life anymore.

Hi

I can sypathise, empathise and identify with that. I've already posted this elsewhere but thought this is an apt place to raise this issue also.

I am a male PN sufferer. I wanted to ask if a someone like me can get married as sexual relations has been non existent all my life. The PN pain obviously makes it very difficult to derive any pleasure - let alone conduct normal relations. It has hindered me living and working as per normal. That is why I'm wondering if anything can happen whilst I have this - lets face it - possibly for the rest of my life. It wouldn't be fair on the lady anyway. But prospective ladies would stay away anyway when they learn I have this condition.

I've had this condition from about 14 years old - I am now 41. My siblings are both married and they are both 9 and 10 years younger than me. A lot of my friends too. So there is the mental effect of that too. I just don't know what to do. I have found it next to impossible to do a job so I am going in to business for myself. But even that takes time to set up - and I have been relying on my parents support so far. So that is another hindrance ofcourse. Never had enough of an income to conduct a relationship. But I wanted to know if anyone has been married with this and is it worth me pursuing this avenue.

Or for that matter, how do you cope with the mental effects of this.

Thanks

Cureseeker,
If intercourse is too painful, you can always be the giver of oral sex. I've always enjoyed that activity and in my limited personal experience most women seem to appreciate it as well. That said, the most important part of any romantic relaionship is between your ears, not between your legs. Emotional intimacy is all about love and caring. That's the most important part.

Thanks Don - you are right of course. Actually I have attempted sex twice only recently, the second occassion was more closer to success. I received oral sex once and although there isn't much sensation, I was stimulated enough to ejaculate quickly, so that does work. However, the giving part I personally have issues with as, unless I know the lady pretty well (and her sexual history) - and even then - I am just not able to 'risk' my health further with possible contaminants. I realise I must sound flaky, but I suppose that is part of my personality now.

But yes, you are right about the romantic part. It is still down to money though and having a substantial enough income and cash flow to sustain it.

During the 1st 7 years of my marriage, sex had been painful for me due to PN. Thanks to a vestibulectomy and my TIR surgery, sex no longer feels like being stabbed by a knife, but I still have no interest in it. It would probably be easier to find a woman who doesn't want sex all that much, as usually women would be happy 95% of the time to be sex free.

lol @ pianogal...I can definitely see life being easier (with or without PN) if sex was mostly restricted to reproduction only! In all seriousness, I do find that aspect of my life to be fullfilling both on a physical level (when not in a flare) and on an emotional level as well...it isn't something I would permanently want to give up

pianogal wrote: It would probably be easier to find a woman who doesn't want sex all that much, as usually women would be happy 95% of the time to be sex free.

Is that really true about the 95%?
It hardly seems worth the bother in that case lol.
As a man though, it is pretty harsh to go without lol.
But practically speaking, how do you raise this issue when finding a woman?
It is easier said than done.
They probably wouldn't be interested in a person that has PN symptoms anyway.

You know, I have to agree with Pianogal as to the 95% right now. However, I think that if we were pain free, our sex lives and drive would be much higher.