I have to bring a pillow to church for a wedding

[rainyday]

I'm a little bit embarrassed. I haven't gone to a formal affair of any kind in a while (that required me to sit on a bench) Do I just walk in with it under my arm? All the bags I have are like shop and stop or grocery bags which might look silly. There's not getting around the fact that I need it, just feel a bit silly. What do you guys usually do?

[stephanies]

The Cushion My Assets cushion comes with handles and almost looks like a purse if you carry it in your arm or shoulder. You could also try to sit for a few minutes then quietly slip to the back of the room and stand for a while. There are sometimes photographers, etc. milling about and you could "blend in".


Stephanies

[Rosemary]

Could you arrive extra early and quietly slip in and sit down on your cushion before to many people arrive - i am sure once the ceremony is over that there will be too much going on for anyone to notice that you are carrying a cushion. If you are talking to people later on just prop it by your leg.

Hark at me ! -I have a family wedding (niece) to go to next spring - i am going to decline the invitation - it involves staying away as well - feel it is to much out of my comfort zone now to be able to handle it.

Rosemary X

[janetm2]

Lily,
I bought a few nicer looking tote bags (they were not very expensive, also not stiff and various patterns some flowery others not too flashy) over the internet and in a card shop for my made up cushions to carry ar work, to dinners, etc. Of course the only bigger formal events were funerals and not sure anyone thinks straight at those. I honestly have been able to stop worrying about it since it is and will continue to be part of my life. That can take time and we are all different. The funeral turned out okay because there was times you stood up that gave me a break from sitting. Good luck.
Janet

[Emily B]

Boy do I know how you feel. I use the ICN cushion which is quite large. I made a homemade cover or use a plain pillowcase as a cover. I used to be so embarrassed about my cushion. Even carrying my cushion made me feel embarrassed. My husband used to offer to carry it for me because I felt so embarrassed! Then, one day, I saw him carrying it and thought to myself, "Screw it! Let people think what they want. I'm living with a disability and I choose to own it."

Many people look at my cushion with curiosity. I don't feel any need to explain, but it does help ease the anxiety to have a ready-made answer. If I feel the need, or if they ask directly, I just say short words like, "bad back". If they ask about the shape of it, I say "tailbone hurts". No need to elaborate and tell them our privates hurt too. They ALWAYS accept this because it's familiar and many people can relate.

People rarely ask further questions when you give short answers. If they do, I say, "entrapped nerves". If they press further, turn it around and answer their question with a question and ask them, "Oh, do you have a bad back?" Remember, you are in control of the conversation and what information you would like to share. I've found that people are far more gracious than we give them credit for.

What also helped me is the saying, "You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how little they did." I think maybe we feel embarrassed because we know it's our "private bits" that are hurting. Other people don't know that. Frankly, most people just don't care about our cushion.

I still have times when I'm uncomfortable about my cushion, but for the most part I've learned to accept it as an aid in my life. I look at it with appreciation because without it, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere.

I hope you enjoy the wedding!

Emily B.

[Violet M]

I will confess that I had to lie down at my nephew's wedding a few years back. That was back in the days when I couldn't find any cushions that worked. Just tell people you have some pinched nerves and act as though you are a normal person. I came to the place where I would not let other people define who I was. I'm sure not everyone would be comfortable with this and I can't say I ever became 100% comfortable with it either but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, eh?

I also laid down or used cushions many times in church. People got so used to me doing it I think eventually they didn't even notice anymore.

Violet

[rainyday]

Thanks all!

So I just took my pillow in a regular plastic bag and I don't think a soul noticed!!! Sat in the back and when I took it out I told the girl next to me I had a sore tailbone so she says 'yeah this bench is killing me' so then I felt one step ahead of the game!! I didn't take my coccyx pillow (I guess I'd have to work up to that) but this regular flat couch pillow works pretty well.

I think it's true that cause it's my privates hurting I feel funny, if it were just my back or my tailbone I wouldn't think twice. I've never had much of a problem being 'different' but this condition does feel very private. Have to remember no one else knows that that's where it hurts!

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Funny thing is now that I'm home on my coccyx pillow I think I felt better on the other one. I don't know what it is about this computer chair but it hurts! Might be cause I lean forward to type.
L

And LOL you do do a lot of standing at a church wedding. So that helped! Up, down, up, down! Thanks for all your suggestions. Have another wedding coming up soon

[janetm2]

So glad it worked out. You are an old pro and ready for the next one!

[Sarajoy]

I'm glad it went well! I have been using a boppie covered in a pillowcase when I go to restaurants, and at first I thought everyone was staring at me, but then I realized no one even noticed. I felt self conscious but people are not really paying attention.