Relationships!!!!!!!!

[helenlegs 11]

There is such a danger of this happening and you have put the problem very succinctly Sunil. It may sound trite but my Mothers adage 'do as you would be done by' does help,( in life in general actually). Think I got Charles Kingsley's fairytale 'The water babies', read to me A LOT as a child.
It is difficult to have a generous spirit when things seem set against you but it doesn't take a lot of effort for small things, that matter so much in a relationship, to be said, done and offered. I think the fact that you have asked the question is wonderful and shows how much you care.

[Karyn]

Wonderful post, Sunil!
I think this is something most of us struggle with. Personally, I flip back and forth between not having enough energy for another person; as I can barely get out of my own way sometimes, and pouring all of my focus on someone else to distract myself from how I'm feeling. One thing I NEVER do is lash out at anyone because I'm in pain. I tend to withdraw. I'm very impressed about how much you care for your partner. I hope you're able to openly discuss your feelings with her. Understanding what's going on with you is paramount to keep the relationship going.
Warmest of regards,
Karyn

[carolynm]

I have two small children so I am constantly having to consciously put myself last on the list. It is so hard to not be able to mourn what is lost, because it seems selfish to do so. I don't know what the right thing is, I'm strugggling too.

Thinking of all you ladies and thank you for keeping me going!

cari

[sam]

I am really afraid if I will lose my relationship, my partner because of my chronic pain. I find it too difficult to lead a normal life like others, I feel jealous of everyone around me, how do you people manage to live a normal life like everybody else? Any ideas?

[Andrew]

Hi Sam, sounds like you're doing it pretty tough at the moment.
Firstly I would just like to congratulate you for having the courage to keep holding things altogether. It sounds as though you have something special in your relationship. It's really easy to project the worst when we are overwhelmed by such a painful and isolating situation.

Although pain can at times seem bigger than life itself, it's never bigger than who we are as people.
I hope you have something worthwhile to smile about sometime soon.

[calluna]

Hi Sam - the single biggest help that I've had has been CBT. That's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My GP referred me to a psychologist, and I was able to see her at the GP surgery, very convenient. I think the waiting time to get an appointment was 2 weeks, and of course it was all free.

I was very anxious and depressed, lots of bad things were happening all at the same time and it was very difficult to deal with life. Chronic pain puts a huge strain on any relationship, of course. CBT helped me get a handle on things, and it has been an absolutely huge help with pain management, too. I recommend it unreservedly.

Did you ever manage to get that surgery you were waiting for?

[sam]

Thanks a ton Andrew and Calluna for your kind words. Chronic pain has made me a better person in some ways and worse in some, I am now more empathetic to people's sufferings, I have become more spiritual and I have no ambitions or long term plans at all, I just live day by day infact I thank God for keeping me alive everyday,which I had taken for granted before PNE, but I am also having a very tough time handling my relationships with others. I really hope God gives me the strength to handle this cruel disease with enough tolerance without damaging my relationships. It is a real challenge to me.
Calluna my thoughts and prayers for your successful surgery today, you people are my best friends and you are all providing me the greatest support and strength in this painful journey thank you so much! As for surgery I havent undergone any so far, I am always afraid so much that it might get worse.